1.Lonely Hearts Club
It's safe to say we've always been actors. From time to time I
think about what everything would be like if we made one good
scene. Apathetic time turns us into awkward passing nerves,
where nothing is ever beautiful and everything hurts.
Because I loved you first,
And we never sang those sad songs together.
Our bodies they break down. Our honesty is breaking my heart.
Whenever we're close neither one of us will change, because I'm
chained to the past with the future in my veins.
'There is a car in the driveway. Just drive.' she said. 'There
is a train downtown. We could hop right on and get out of here.'
We've been running away from things we can't control. We can
never settle down. We're always scared. Our hearts won't stop
beating. But we've just got to sit this out until we hit level
ground until the terrain gets easier. And then only there can we
rest our lonely hearts.
2.Vacancy
You're so old now. Your bearings are shot. You're a caved in
roof. You're falling apart. Your nights are spent lying on the
couch hoping to forget...
You can't fix this because its burning down.
You can't fix me because I'm so burnt out.
When that sun crept over those stairs we were lighting fires on
our hands. We held the fate of everything we loved in our hands.
The strain in my back has left me here. I keep choking on my
fears, on my loose ends. All the strength leaves the ghosts
alone.
Oh, we are the same.
3.Our Lives Would Make A Sad, Boring Movie
To the people making life from lust, abusing trust, and the
buttfaces who made fools out of the best of us：You've swayed the
public thought that they're all that they've bought, and
otherwise they're ugly people that will soon be dust.
To the schools that brought us up and had us 'socialized',
teaching us the world through hall passes and single file lines.
We are discouraged to ask questions or to raise a fist. No
wonder nobody can tell there's something so much bigger than
this.
We say everyday that we won't grow up to live the lives that
they do. Yet we only walk on footsteps that they set for us
instead of clearing paths towards promised lands we dreamt
about, and better worlds we read about.
We leave our higher educations that we all 'must' get with a
signature stamped paper and a mound of debt.
The bank has got us by the throat and then we're forced to
settle for the jobs we hate, 9 to 5／40 hour／40 years until the
day we are too weak to work, too frail to play. No friends or
lovers because they've all passed away. We've waited for this
day all of our lives longs, and on our death bed the stereo
plays our favorite teenage anthem song. And we sing along.
To white, middle-class, suburban kids： start dealing with your
privileges. Smash your TV, read a book, or see the world
instead. Enjoy the simple things in life because you can, like
your family, friends, community, and local bands.
If there's one thing in your life that you'll never forget, its
that we're dead in the future but we're not dead yet. Your life
starts right now so start acting like it, or else you'll wake up
one day feeling like a silhouette.
4.An Ode To The Nite Ratz Club
The gas inside the combustion engine took away all of the
mystery and adventure from the walk to your house in the dark,
so that we could stay out all night long and be king of all the
roads, and the woods, and the lake, or anything we chose,
because everything was ours. And we would spraypaint 'NRC' so
that everyone would know.
We would break into the factory. Our childhood autonomy had no
respect for authority, or property, or your buttface neighbors'
complaints. I still have all the keys to the forklifts that we
never got a chance to drive around or tear the building down
ourselves.
From the top of the water tower, we spilled our guts on one
another, and we compiled them together, and we all shared the
same heart. And we hated all construction, but we loved all
their machines, and they hated our destruction, and we picked
their locks apart. And we thought we were damn clever, because
they never kept us out, and we thought we'd live forever.
Until the night when it got way too serious, and you showed me
your damaged wrists, and you broke down and we embraced and
nothing at that time meant more to me. And if I had only known
that it would be the last time, we'd be on that level with one
another I would have never let you go.
I still walk those paths at night, but now just on my own. I
recite to myself every story in hopes that I will never let them
go. I'll hold on to every polaroid from France and Rome, and
remember the nights at the Alamo as if it were my second home.
And I know that we had no idea what we were doing, but an
artist's first work can be his greatest under a different set of
lenses. Our ideas of staying close together for all time; I wish
I still had that same state of mind.
5.Weathered
You were awaken. I was never asleep. I was just drilling some
wholes in my head that perpetually bled. You fed your senses. I
made art on myself. I drew bear claws on my chest and third eyes
on my head looking down.
It was live, it was all live ammunition in the gun. And I meant
it, every bullet, and I hope they all stung, because that's what
I deal with every time I lift up the back of my shirt and I'll
show you what you drew that night with a Swiss Army Knife saying
it was only maps of constellations.
Your hands were shaking. Mine were stiff as stones. They said
grab a hold. We said go eat poop we'll find out way home. My
blood was burning. Yours was spilling out. We said we'd fly to
the end of the earth just to find ourselves.
And your heart, it was not there when I needed it the most. I
was floating. It was grounded, getting buried too deep to stay
close. And I swore I'd dig it up someday, build a fire just to
keep it warm. Then we'll get off the ground and drink rain from
the clouds and go dance out in the storm.
Because birds we fly together. I feel tethered, de-feathered,
and weathered. A push at its best would get me out my nest then
I'll never come home. It was love. It was true love, not that
shit sold from Hallmark, Hollywood, or Wal-Mart. I'm losing
twelve years worth of soul mates, and its harder and realer than
anything I've ever felt.
6.I'm Gone
I'm living and breathing, while every single chain around my
body is breaking. My introspective train of thought is rolling
and racing, while serotonin comes and goes like rain.
I'm dreaming while waking, perceptions and personalities are
crafted from my own mind. While I combust and melt away, I see
everything that I cannot believe. And I'm fucking gone.
When the world is your mind erased and gray skies swallow
everything, while you throw yourself away into memories that are
bursting in your veins. Listen to the noise that you create with
ears to hear the sounds of change. Close your eyes and melt into
the sea of sound waves and this beautiful machine.
I'm crashing and waking, the sun inside my chest is welling and
bursting from this feeling in my fingertips and streams out with
breaths, deep within my lungs.
7.Holiday
What would you say if we lived every day like it were a holiday？
Well you say you're a realist well I really know what I want,
just figuring out how to get there on the back of happy thoughts
and giving what we've got to all the people who've helped us
unlearn what we were taught about art, about love, about dreams,
about work, just to fuel the system that is treating us like
dirt. And through singing songs late every single night and
screaming ALTERNATIVE UNDERGROUND ANGSTY ROCK WAS REALLY
INFLUENTIAL IN MY UPBRINGING.
What would you say if we loved everyday like it were a holiday？
8.Still-Water Spectacle
We're letting it out. The wildest shout. We're showing our
teeth. We're perfectly fine.
These white walls hurt my eyes and show me the reason why it is
that the caged bird sings：they miss all the seasons. They don't
feel safe inside what they have been given. They don't feel
satisfied being able to look through the bars and the world
outside.
We're claiming it all. Or just at least for tonight.
If blue skies have taught us anything, its that there is no such
thing as purity without the occasional rain cloud, or the winds
from the coast that bring in the hurricane that settles the eye,
and stirs up the ocean for the waves to arise, and the
earthquake that brings down the house that we lie in. This
still-water world just contrasts our minds...
That are chaotic, and they're wild, and they're free, and
they're nothing like they want us to be. Its pulsing and its
true, the heart of the beast is in you. We feel it and we know,
and we just have to let it go. It's living and it breathes, our
inner peace love and anarchy. It shines through the clouds, and
she lets all know that she is proud.
We are digging them in.
9.There Is A Light
This head holds fragments of some shattered glass. They act as
puzzle pieces with a sharp contrast in part to what once hung
here before the violent collapse of the whole dang thing. I've
dug through pieces and ripped out my hair. No way to tell if
they are all still there. No way to tell if I will ever fully
see my reflection again.
I was born on a set of stairs, higher than i was even aware. I
looked down to enjoy the view, and I caught a glimpse of you.
You were tired, and hungry, and cold. Your hands were hard and
your face was old. Your legs collapsed as you fell and spat,
'Have you found what you're looking for yet？'
My hands hold letters from an old past self. I'd say we're all
alone, and I'd know how it felt to be one whose lost, and cold,
and empty. And I would sit down on the ground. And the system
would say 'Move on. There's nothing to see here. We've got to
keep this engine going. And this resistance has us slowing. And
if he's more for you, then he is less for us, and that's exactly
the kind of people we can't trust.'
And now I'm moving at the pace of the surrounding freezing air,
desiring to spit straight into the face of billionaires. But too
dang far cowardly to do this on my own. I'm clinging to my
theory books, Nietzsche, and Thoreau.
My life's a flower and its growing but I'm so insecure. The
trick is always knowing its the rain that keeps us pure. Its the
food for my mind and body, and it brings me back to earth, so
when the sun rises I can cut out all my doubt.
There is a light and it never goes out.
I'll burn a hole in my chest so you can see through.
I'll tell you things I thought I never knew.
We'll build a home for me and you.
I'll see the world for what I want it to be and nothing else.
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